So if you struggle with this stuff, you're definitely not alone.
The sad fact is that most people struggle with this no matter what it looks like on the outside.
And why don't these amazing people see their own value?
Because they're trying to EARN it when that's actually impossible.
See, achievements, new levels of fame, pay increases, helping people, and buying nice things can make you feel good about yourself for a while, but like any drug, the feeling fades away quickly and then you need more just to feel normal.
And, if you have deep regrets over your past decisions and actions, they can weigh you down for years even though you can't change the past. This kind of regret can actually prevent you from growing and correcting your past mistakes so you don't repeat them in the future.
If you believe there is something fundamentally wrong with you as a person, it destroys your self-worth no matter what you do. And this level of shame tries to convince you that you are a fundamentally unworthy person even though that's not true...
...Maybe someone did something to you or something happened to you and you interpreted it as a message that you're not worthy of respect.
...Maybe someone BLAMED you for something and you internalized it.
...Maybe someone told you that you were a certain way a long time ago and you just kept believing them instead of telling your own more accurate story.
Do You Have a "Dislike Button" in Your Head?
Sometimes pain from past social rejection can create a "self-fulfilling prophecy loop" of more rejection and more pain:
You expect or suspect that you'll be rejected, so you express your fear through your body language, the other person picks up on it and gets uncomfortable, they "reject" you because they don't feel comfortable, then you feel "rejected" again and confirm your beliefs about yourself...
The sad fact is that, most of the time, we hold ourselves back.
And, if you don't like yourself very much because of the way you look, you can get fit, have corrective surgeries, wear clothes that make you look better, etc...
Yet, even when you do those things, you'll never look perfect.
The fact of the matter is that no matter what you do, you'll never be perfect. So, if you feel the need to be perfect, you'll never ever feel like you're good enough.
You'll never meet that impossible standard.
And, if your standard is merely to be "the best" in order to feel good about yourself, someone better than you in one way or another will always come along at some point and then you'll fall right back down into the dark pit of miserable self-loathing.
Comparison Leads to More Self-Loathing
You might even end up putting other people down, judging them harshly, or gossiping about them just to feel a little better about yourself - and then regret it later and feel even worse abut yourself.
And, if you have to feel like you're "better" than other people to feel good about yourself, you can only feel comfortable around people you think are worse than you, meaning that...
...the people you truly want to surround yourself with, the people you're most attracted to, the people with the best business opportunities for you, and the people who can help you grow the most will always be out of your reach.
You're stuck right where you are.
Also, if you don't think you deserve to feel good about yourself for one reason or another, people will avoid you and hold back their validation from you to match your own self-appraisal, leaving you struggling for any source of feeling good you can find every day of your life.
External Validation Hamster Wheel
Some turn to food...or alcohol...or drugs...or sex...or "working hard"...or sports...or people-pleasing...or achievements...or whatever. There are a million ways to numb the pain instead of solving the root cause.
Yet, the fact of the matter is that you deserve to feel good about yourself just as much as anyone else.
Yes, even if you've made "horrible" mistakes, you have some kind of "flaw," or you think maybe you're not a "good" person.
The truth is that nobody has ever done enough or behaved well enough to "earn it" in human history.
That's why unconditional self-acceptance is the foundation of ultimate success, happiness, fulfillment, and treating everyone better than you have.
And if you're worried that it will make you arrogant or lazy; it won't.
You'll actually value other people MORE than you do now and experience MORE success.
We'll talk about why in a minute...
However, if you don't have this foundation in place, people around you suffer; not just you.
So the key is to accept yourself exactly as you are right now in this moment while you ALSO continue to strive and grow.
Because the truth is that genuine self-worth cannot be earned; you can only give it to yourself.
That's why it's called self-worth.
The best part is that you can validate yourself as much as you want any time you want for any reason you want or for no reason at all.
And that's the only way to feel good about yourself consistently because everything else is subject to the changing whims of the external world.
And again, ironically, you actually achieve MORE when you have a solid foundation of self-worth because you stop sabotaging yourself when your validation as a person isn't on the line anymore.
You go higher and accomplish more.
And you feel good every step of the way instead of suffering and struggling for a few drops of external validation here and there.
Break Free Today
You're kinder to everyone you care about and even those you don't. You never feel the need to judge anyone harshly.
People want to be around you more because you have more to share and they know they won't be judged.
Potential lovers are more attracted to you and stay attracted to you longer.
And it takes less energy to be with you because nobody ever feels the need to try to make you feel better about yourself...
...Which means even more opportunities come your way in addition to how much better you feel inside every single day.
So what's the solution that allows us to break through the 2 main obstacles (and a few other smaller ones) into FREEDOM?
How do you feel good about yourself in a real way without turning into a cocky, arrogant jerk, lying to yourself, ignoring reality, or killing your motivation?